I just came back from my (almost) daily walk around my neighborhood. It is a beautiful clear day with a bright blue sky. Birds are singing and the neighborhood is quiet and orderly. Just 24 hours ago, storm clouds were churning overhead and tornado sirens were making themselves heard, not just here, but across the southeast. As I walked, I couldn't help but think about all the people who woke up yesterday to cloudy skies and ended the day amid rubble and devastation, many having lost everything.
The areas in Alabama that were most affected are familiar to me. My family is from that area, I lived in Tuscaloosa as a preschooler. I have family in Birmingham, Jasper, Clanton, not to mention friends nearby. More recently, I have become reacquainted with the area thanks to the generosity of friends with a lake house. And so I have been looking for landmarks, and sad to recognize favorite places like restaurants and stores that are no more. I feel very petty for being sad over a restaurant being gone, but I think it is more than that. It is a connection, making the loss there personal. It is the loss of the routine, the familiar.
As I thought on these things, my heart began to ache for those who have lost everything. Everything. I can't fathom it. I had really thought that I had a grasp of being open handed with God. I don't see myself as being materialistic or selfish. But the thought of those people walking through complete rubble where absolutely nothing is familiar or safe or recognizable takes my breath away. Years ago, I learned a phrase from my dear friend and teacher Randy, "It's all going to burn up in the big fire." He taught us this concept in relation to giving, letting go of our materialism and obsession with our stuff. I am beginning to see that I am comfortable with this concept because when the "big fire" comes, I know I will be with Jesus. It won't matter anymore.
But what about now? What if the big storm comes before the big fire? Would I be ok with that? I don't think I am there yet. I need to work on it. I have a long way to go. My prayer for me, and for you, is that God will teach us that our security is found only in Him. It isn't in our surroundings. It isn't in the familiar. It isn't even in our families. It is in Him alone. My prayer for those who have lost everything is that they will know the same...that God will be their anchor in these days, and that they will cling to Him, that they will find Him, in this storm.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Modesty-What God's Word Says
In my last post, I gave some definitions (some better than others) of modesty. But no definition is adequate unless we look at what God's Word says. His is the definition, the explanation, that matters. What does the Word say about modesty?
1 Timothy 2:9-10 actually uses the word "modestly" (well, at least the English translation does). "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." These verses are part of Paul's instructions on living a lifestyle of worship. In verse 2 he directed believers to live "peaceful, quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." The reference to braided hair, gold and pearls was probably in response to class issues in the church. The rich were often guilty of showing off their riches, making the poor feel out of place. Paul's instructions then were to stress that a woman's dress was not to be showy, flaunting wealth, status or beauty. She was not to be a distraction to others. Drawing attention to herself meant drawing attention away from God.
The original language here used the Greek word Aidos. How does this word compare to the definitions from earlier? Aidos (pronounced ahee-doce') means to have a sense of shame, modesty, self-respect, awe. Not a negative type of shame, but a righteous sense attached to doing anything that would be disgraceful. In other words, the self-restraint to keep oneself from any behavior that would bring shame.
There is another word in these verses that carries a similar meaning: Propriety. Propriety is a translation of the Greek word Kosmios, meaning well-ordered, decent, modest, harmonious arrangement. One explanation I found said, "The well-ordering is not of dress and demeanor only, but of the inner life...expressing itself in the outward."
And so, in just these two verses, is the idea that modesty is born out of an inner sense of respect and humility, with a well ordered sense of self that does not seek attention. What, then, does that look like? It does not look flashy, or flamboyant. It does not draw the eye (particularly the male eye). It points away from itself, and hopefully points to the Creator. True beauty is from within, and accentuates outward beauty. Likewise, inward beauty is lost in translation when the outward appearance is distracting in any way.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:16
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. Proverbs 11:22
1 Timothy 2:9-10 actually uses the word "modestly" (well, at least the English translation does). "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." These verses are part of Paul's instructions on living a lifestyle of worship. In verse 2 he directed believers to live "peaceful, quiet lives in all godliness and holiness." The reference to braided hair, gold and pearls was probably in response to class issues in the church. The rich were often guilty of showing off their riches, making the poor feel out of place. Paul's instructions then were to stress that a woman's dress was not to be showy, flaunting wealth, status or beauty. She was not to be a distraction to others. Drawing attention to herself meant drawing attention away from God.
The original language here used the Greek word Aidos. How does this word compare to the definitions from earlier? Aidos (pronounced ahee-doce') means to have a sense of shame, modesty, self-respect, awe. Not a negative type of shame, but a righteous sense attached to doing anything that would be disgraceful. In other words, the self-restraint to keep oneself from any behavior that would bring shame.
There is another word in these verses that carries a similar meaning: Propriety. Propriety is a translation of the Greek word Kosmios, meaning well-ordered, decent, modest, harmonious arrangement. One explanation I found said, "The well-ordering is not of dress and demeanor only, but of the inner life...expressing itself in the outward."
And so, in just these two verses, is the idea that modesty is born out of an inner sense of respect and humility, with a well ordered sense of self that does not seek attention. What, then, does that look like? It does not look flashy, or flamboyant. It does not draw the eye (particularly the male eye). It points away from itself, and hopefully points to the Creator. True beauty is from within, and accentuates outward beauty. Likewise, inward beauty is lost in translation when the outward appearance is distracting in any way.
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 1 Peter 3:3-4
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:16
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. Proverbs 11:22
Monday, April 25, 2011
Modesty
Modesty. What is it? Does anyone really know anymore? We talk about it a lot. I know I have talked about it, and thought about it, a lot lately. But what is modesty, exactly? How is it defined? What does it mean?
These questions prompted me to do some research. I have discovered several definitions of modesty, and discovered some interesting facts in the process. The definition has certainly changed over the years...as has the practice. Big surprise, huh?
I started with Webster. Not the modern Webster, but with the original. In 1828, Mr. Webster defined modesty in this way:
"That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. ...synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor."
That definition would never make it into today's lexicons. In fact, it didn't. Mr. Webster would not be well thought of by the women's lib groups today.
So, what did the more modern dictionaries have to say about modesty? The modern Mirriam Webster dictionary said this: "freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress or vanity". Short and sweet. Like everything else today, it is dumbed down. It bears only a slight resemblance to the original. And there is absolutely no reference to the connection between women and modesty. Not politically correct, I suppose.
I found yet another definition. This may be my favorite (said in a rather sarcastic tone). MacMillandictionary.com gave this definition: "behavior, especially by women, that is designed to avoid causing sexual feelings in other people; a feeling of being shy or embarrassed about other people seeing your body". Seriously? MacMillan did manage to bring women back into the equation. But it went beyond Mirriam Webster's dumbing down, and sexualized the whole thing.
And therein, my friends, lies the problem.
Going back to our first definition, modesty has to do with inner worth and value. It is an outward expression of a pure heart and mind. And regardless of how offensive this may be to some, it is a feminine trait. My next post will be about how the Bible deals with modesty. But for now I will say that almost all of the references I have found deal with modesty and women. A girl, or a woman, who values herself and has a pure mind and heart will behave modestly. She will not want to draw inappropriate attention to herself. She will be more concerned with the inward than with the outward.
Today's understanding of modesty has been stripped of it's original meaning and in its place is a superficial, simplistic, carnal definition. It is so vague that few understand it, and most are offended by it. Modern feminism has convinced women that their bodies are theirs to do with what they please. Any suggestion that they should be "shy or embarrassed about other people seeing your body" (MacMillan's definition) is disregarded as preposterous and degrading.
The first step in a return to modesty, then, is to understand what it means. The next, more important step is to know what God says about it.
These questions prompted me to do some research. I have discovered several definitions of modesty, and discovered some interesting facts in the process. The definition has certainly changed over the years...as has the practice. Big surprise, huh?
I started with Webster. Not the modern Webster, but with the original. In 1828, Mr. Webster defined modesty in this way:
"That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. ...synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor."
That definition would never make it into today's lexicons. In fact, it didn't. Mr. Webster would not be well thought of by the women's lib groups today.
So, what did the more modern dictionaries have to say about modesty? The modern Mirriam Webster dictionary said this: "freedom from conceit or vanity; propriety in dress or vanity". Short and sweet. Like everything else today, it is dumbed down. It bears only a slight resemblance to the original. And there is absolutely no reference to the connection between women and modesty. Not politically correct, I suppose.
I found yet another definition. This may be my favorite (said in a rather sarcastic tone). MacMillandictionary.com gave this definition: "behavior, especially by women, that is designed to avoid causing sexual feelings in other people; a feeling of being shy or embarrassed about other people seeing your body". Seriously? MacMillan did manage to bring women back into the equation. But it went beyond Mirriam Webster's dumbing down, and sexualized the whole thing.
And therein, my friends, lies the problem.
Going back to our first definition, modesty has to do with inner worth and value. It is an outward expression of a pure heart and mind. And regardless of how offensive this may be to some, it is a feminine trait. My next post will be about how the Bible deals with modesty. But for now I will say that almost all of the references I have found deal with modesty and women. A girl, or a woman, who values herself and has a pure mind and heart will behave modestly. She will not want to draw inappropriate attention to herself. She will be more concerned with the inward than with the outward.
Today's understanding of modesty has been stripped of it's original meaning and in its place is a superficial, simplistic, carnal definition. It is so vague that few understand it, and most are offended by it. Modern feminism has convinced women that their bodies are theirs to do with what they please. Any suggestion that they should be "shy or embarrassed about other people seeing your body" (MacMillan's definition) is disregarded as preposterous and degrading.
The first step in a return to modesty, then, is to understand what it means. The next, more important step is to know what God says about it.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Resurrection Power
But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 1 Corinthians 15:12-21 (NIV)
This Resurrection Weekend, my prayer for you is that you will indeed live as if He has been raised from the dead! That truth means that in Christ, we have also been raised from the dead! Feel that truth! Live that truth! Do not let fear, anxiety, bitterness, busyness, or anything else steal that from you! Don't miss out on all the glorious wonder Christ has for you!
He lives! He reigns! He is coming back! Live like you believe it!
This Resurrection Weekend, my prayer for you is that you will indeed live as if He has been raised from the dead! That truth means that in Christ, we have also been raised from the dead! Feel that truth! Live that truth! Do not let fear, anxiety, bitterness, busyness, or anything else steal that from you! Don't miss out on all the glorious wonder Christ has for you!
He lives! He reigns! He is coming back! Live like you believe it!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Seasons
When my girls were very little, babies really, I made a decision. I have a vivid memory of sitting in the rocking chair holding a fussy baby with another baby napping nearby. It had been a long morning, and I had gotten absolutely nothing productive done. At least nothing I considered productive before that day. But as I sat there rocking that baby, I changed my priorities and my definition of productivity. My decision that morning was essentially this: I decided that I would treasure every moment and every stage. I didn't want to spend my days wishing their lives (and mine) away...wishing for the next (better) stage. I never wanted to look back and wish I had spent more time or done things differently. I wanted to leave every stage knowing that I had done everything I could possibly do to live that stage to the fullest. A few years later, a sweet friend gave a name to my decision. Delana talked often of "seasons". There are seasons in our lives, and the trick is learning to fully live whatever season we find ourselves in, with no apologies and no regrets.
Understanding the concept of seasons has given me a great deal of freedom over the years. It helped me get through the toddler years, knowing that potty training wouldn't last forever. When we were dealing with allergies and sinus infections and nebulizers and chest x-rays, it made it easier knowing that I wouldn't be stuck at home with a sick little one forever. When we started school at home, I knew that it was a season in my life dedicated to teaching my children everything God want me to teach them, and that there would come a season when I could return to ladies Bible studies and lunches out. Understanding seasons has also often gotten me "off the hook" in a sense. I can say "no" without guilt. Right now, the season I am in is "mother to very busy teenagers, and high school homeschool teacher". That often means "No, I am sorry, but I just can't do that right now." You see, it's just a season, and I have learned that the seasons pass faster than you can imagine.
These days, I find myself wanting to cling to my season. The days are passing by too quickly. But I have to remind myself of that early promise...no wishing away, and no looking back with regret. God has been so faithful, and I can honestly say that every season has been better than the last. I know that there are wonderful seasons to come, and I don't want to enter them looking over my shoulder. I want to be able to fully enjoy the seasons to come. So excuse me for now if I am sometimes unavailable. I am treasuring today's season so that I won't miss out on tomorrow because of regret.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Understanding the concept of seasons has given me a great deal of freedom over the years. It helped me get through the toddler years, knowing that potty training wouldn't last forever. When we were dealing with allergies and sinus infections and nebulizers and chest x-rays, it made it easier knowing that I wouldn't be stuck at home with a sick little one forever. When we started school at home, I knew that it was a season in my life dedicated to teaching my children everything God want me to teach them, and that there would come a season when I could return to ladies Bible studies and lunches out. Understanding seasons has also often gotten me "off the hook" in a sense. I can say "no" without guilt. Right now, the season I am in is "mother to very busy teenagers, and high school homeschool teacher". That often means "No, I am sorry, but I just can't do that right now." You see, it's just a season, and I have learned that the seasons pass faster than you can imagine.
These days, I find myself wanting to cling to my season. The days are passing by too quickly. But I have to remind myself of that early promise...no wishing away, and no looking back with regret. God has been so faithful, and I can honestly say that every season has been better than the last. I know that there are wonderful seasons to come, and I don't want to enter them looking over my shoulder. I want to be able to fully enjoy the seasons to come. So excuse me for now if I am sometimes unavailable. I am treasuring today's season so that I won't miss out on tomorrow because of regret.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Bombarded
I have been bombarded this afternoon. Bombarded by the truth of what the world would like to bombard my children with. (Yes, I know they are young ladies, teenagers, but they are my children.) I am not sure if things are degenerating as rapidly as it seems, or if I am just more acutely aware of it lately. Probably a little of both.
I was alerted earlier today by two of my younger friends to the lyrics of Lady Gaga's newest song. I confess, I am not completely sure who Lady Gaga is. I have heard of her. I have heard people I know talk about her. I am pretty sure I have heard people I know compliment her "talent". I have never seen her or heard any of her songs. As of today, I know the name of one song. A little while ago I Googled it and read the lyrics. Afterward I felt like I needed to take a bath, ask forgiveness, and have my eyes and brain purged. I was disgusted and saddened. My young friends suggested she needs prayer. I agree. I won't link the song here. If you are interested, you will have to find it.
How many of our kids listen to this trash? What is going into their heads? Does anyone realize that what goes in their ears and their eyes goes straight into their heads? Once it is there, it is there to stay. And from their heads, it goes to their hearts. I am a stickler for what goes into my kids nutritionally. I am not a "food nazi" by any means, but I am cautious and do my best to make sure they are getting adequate nutrition. I care about what goes into them. I want them to live long, healthy lives. But I care even more about what goes into them in a spiritual sense. We have kids growing up spiritually starved, filling up on trash and junk and downright heresy.
Is it just music? Is it just a movie? A tv show? A book? Is is really JUST that? What is it doing to their minds and their hearts? Is it slowly numbing them to the truth? I would never feed my kids burgers and fries and chips all week, then throw in an apple once or twice a week and say I have done a good job feeding them. Why, then, would I let them live on a diet of trashy music, tv, movies and literature (I'm stretching, here, using the word literature, but bear with me) and throw in a quick prayer at bedtime, or a Bible verse, or a trip to church, and say I have done a good job?
The world is quickly losing all sense of morality. Maybe it is already lost. But those who belong to Christ are not of this world. As parents, we have to fight, and fight hard, to protect the hearts and minds of our children. Start young, and never give up. Just because they become teenagers doesn't mean our job is done. In fact, it is harder than ever. I read a statistic last night that was chilling. According to research by the Barna Group, less than one-half of one percent of adults ages 18-23 (that's college age) have a Biblical worldview. One-half of one percent! Surely 99.5 percent of those kids didn't grow up in atheistic homes. Surely many of them grew up going to church, in "Christian" homes. So what happened? I am not sure, but I have some ideas. Somewhere along the way, the 0.5 percent understood that what they were being taught about the Bible, what they were being taught AT HOME about God, had everything to do with every other part of their lives. They were raised on a spiritual diet that was consistent and pervasive.
Consistent and pervasive. That's the world's strategy. It has to be ours.
I was alerted earlier today by two of my younger friends to the lyrics of Lady Gaga's newest song. I confess, I am not completely sure who Lady Gaga is. I have heard of her. I have heard people I know talk about her. I am pretty sure I have heard people I know compliment her "talent". I have never seen her or heard any of her songs. As of today, I know the name of one song. A little while ago I Googled it and read the lyrics. Afterward I felt like I needed to take a bath, ask forgiveness, and have my eyes and brain purged. I was disgusted and saddened. My young friends suggested she needs prayer. I agree. I won't link the song here. If you are interested, you will have to find it.
How many of our kids listen to this trash? What is going into their heads? Does anyone realize that what goes in their ears and their eyes goes straight into their heads? Once it is there, it is there to stay. And from their heads, it goes to their hearts. I am a stickler for what goes into my kids nutritionally. I am not a "food nazi" by any means, but I am cautious and do my best to make sure they are getting adequate nutrition. I care about what goes into them. I want them to live long, healthy lives. But I care even more about what goes into them in a spiritual sense. We have kids growing up spiritually starved, filling up on trash and junk and downright heresy.
Is it just music? Is it just a movie? A tv show? A book? Is is really JUST that? What is it doing to their minds and their hearts? Is it slowly numbing them to the truth? I would never feed my kids burgers and fries and chips all week, then throw in an apple once or twice a week and say I have done a good job feeding them. Why, then, would I let them live on a diet of trashy music, tv, movies and literature (I'm stretching, here, using the word literature, but bear with me) and throw in a quick prayer at bedtime, or a Bible verse, or a trip to church, and say I have done a good job?
The world is quickly losing all sense of morality. Maybe it is already lost. But those who belong to Christ are not of this world. As parents, we have to fight, and fight hard, to protect the hearts and minds of our children. Start young, and never give up. Just because they become teenagers doesn't mean our job is done. In fact, it is harder than ever. I read a statistic last night that was chilling. According to research by the Barna Group, less than one-half of one percent of adults ages 18-23 (that's college age) have a Biblical worldview. One-half of one percent! Surely 99.5 percent of those kids didn't grow up in atheistic homes. Surely many of them grew up going to church, in "Christian" homes. So what happened? I am not sure, but I have some ideas. Somewhere along the way, the 0.5 percent understood that what they were being taught about the Bible, what they were being taught AT HOME about God, had everything to do with every other part of their lives. They were raised on a spiritual diet that was consistent and pervasive.
Consistent and pervasive. That's the world's strategy. It has to be ours.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Different
Therefore, come out from them and be separate. 2 Corinthians 6:17
As believers, we are called to be different. Separate from the world. Not separated, but distinct from the world. How does that look?
In our family, this began to take shape when our girls were very young. Our oldest was not yet 3 when we felt God call us to begin this homeschooling journey. We knew, with certainty, how Deuteronomy 6 was to happen in our house. We have learned along the way how it would look, and we are still learning. It isn't easy to intentionally impress God's law on their hearts.
But do you have to homeschool to obey Deuteronomy 6? I don't think so. Those of you who know me know that I am a very vocal, very committed advocate of homeschooling. I understand, though, that not everyone is called to homeschool, and not everyone who is called heeds that call. So does that preclude them, as parents, from the mandate of Deuteronomy 6? Absolutely not. I would suggest that carrying it out is harder, both from a time perspective and an environmental perspective. But I know godly parents who have successfully instilled God's Word in their children while their children were (are) involved in traditional schooling.
The verse above is one of the keys. Our children have to be taught that they are to be different. To teach it, though, we have to understand and embrace it ourselves. Being different generally doesn't come naturally. We have a tendency ourselves to want to be like everyone else. I am not sure where that desire comes from, but I believe it is part of our fallen nature. In Deuteronomy 17, God told the Israelites (through Moses) that they would seek a king like all the other nations around them. He knew this was their nature. He knows the same is true for us. Without the help of the Holy Spirit our natural desire is to be like the world.
So we have to come to an understanding that, in Christ, we are distinct. Our desires have to be conformed to His desires. It is no longer about the house or the car or the job. We often blame peer pressure for some of the battles our kids face. But more often, I believe, our children are looking to imitate us. If mom and dad are focused on the house and car and job, if they are focused on the neighborhood and the school district and the college choice, then doesn't it stand to reason that our children will be too? On the flip side, if mom and dad are focused-truly focused-on serving the Lord with all their heart, mind, and soul (and yes, even with their money and time) then perhaps our children will be as well.
I have always been okay with being different. But I will confess, as my children grow older, it is becoming more difficult. Not because my values are changing, but because the support from the outside is waning. It is a lonely place to be some days. But it is the right place. I know that the payoff is huge. As my children grow closer to adulthood, I am beginning to catch glimpses of the payoff and it is such an exciting place to be in life. My encouragement to other parents is to stand firm, and stand together. We need each other. It makes such a difference to know that there are other moms and dads fighting this fight with us. Don't be afraid to look different.
As believers, we are called to be different. Separate from the world. Not separated, but distinct from the world. How does that look?
In our family, this began to take shape when our girls were very young. Our oldest was not yet 3 when we felt God call us to begin this homeschooling journey. We knew, with certainty, how Deuteronomy 6 was to happen in our house. We have learned along the way how it would look, and we are still learning. It isn't easy to intentionally impress God's law on their hearts.
But do you have to homeschool to obey Deuteronomy 6? I don't think so. Those of you who know me know that I am a very vocal, very committed advocate of homeschooling. I understand, though, that not everyone is called to homeschool, and not everyone who is called heeds that call. So does that preclude them, as parents, from the mandate of Deuteronomy 6? Absolutely not. I would suggest that carrying it out is harder, both from a time perspective and an environmental perspective. But I know godly parents who have successfully instilled God's Word in their children while their children were (are) involved in traditional schooling.
The verse above is one of the keys. Our children have to be taught that they are to be different. To teach it, though, we have to understand and embrace it ourselves. Being different generally doesn't come naturally. We have a tendency ourselves to want to be like everyone else. I am not sure where that desire comes from, but I believe it is part of our fallen nature. In Deuteronomy 17, God told the Israelites (through Moses) that they would seek a king like all the other nations around them. He knew this was their nature. He knows the same is true for us. Without the help of the Holy Spirit our natural desire is to be like the world.
So we have to come to an understanding that, in Christ, we are distinct. Our desires have to be conformed to His desires. It is no longer about the house or the car or the job. We often blame peer pressure for some of the battles our kids face. But more often, I believe, our children are looking to imitate us. If mom and dad are focused on the house and car and job, if they are focused on the neighborhood and the school district and the college choice, then doesn't it stand to reason that our children will be too? On the flip side, if mom and dad are focused-truly focused-on serving the Lord with all their heart, mind, and soul (and yes, even with their money and time) then perhaps our children will be as well.
I have always been okay with being different. But I will confess, as my children grow older, it is becoming more difficult. Not because my values are changing, but because the support from the outside is waning. It is a lonely place to be some days. But it is the right place. I know that the payoff is huge. As my children grow closer to adulthood, I am beginning to catch glimpses of the payoff and it is such an exciting place to be in life. My encouragement to other parents is to stand firm, and stand together. We need each other. It makes such a difference to know that there are other moms and dads fighting this fight with us. Don't be afraid to look different.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Conversations
Yesterday, this video made its way around Facebook. I posted it, as did a number of other people. It is the second half of a sermon on modesty. Essentially, the speaker is reading parts of letters from young men about their daily struggle with lust, and how they are affected my the immodest dress of girls/women. It was very eye opening and convicting.
I sat down with both my girls and we spent about 45 minutes, first listening to the entire sermon (including part 1 which is a different video), and then talking about it. I learned something very important. I can not assume anything as it pertains to my daughter's understanding of the world. Even though we have discussed it, even though they have heard it taught in several different environments, they still did not comprehend just how visual males are, or how that affects them.
Based on this video, as well as the testimony of others, including my husband, I described to them just what a young man (or any man) sees and thinks about when they see a girl dressed immodestly. I explained that when he sees a girl in a short skirt with her legs crossed, or in a low cut or strapless top, his focus is drawn (against his will, even) to her body. They were truly surprised. They really had no idea. In their words, "That's just creepy!" Yes it is.
I have to insert here that my girls are not allowed to wear that type of clothing, nor have they ever expressed such a desire. But, I felt it was important to impress on them the reality of this and to give them even more reason for dressing modestly, beyond it just being Godly and ladylike.
As we ended, I told them, "See, when I tell you that I think you need to change t-shirts because the one you have on is a little too thin, or a little too tight, or that your dress has become too short, it isn't because I don't want you to wear cute clothes. It's because I am protecting you." It was obvious by the look on their faces, by the understanding in their eyes, that they got it.
This was a wonderful experience for me. It was a sweet time with my girls, walking with them through yet another door to maturity. It was affirming for all of us. It wasn't awkward, or forced. They certainly didn't resent it. I say that to encourage other moms to have the same conversations. Don't assume they already know it. Don't think they don't want to talk to you. Don't let anyone else have the privilege. Worse yet, don't let them go through life without knowing truth.
I sat down with both my girls and we spent about 45 minutes, first listening to the entire sermon (including part 1 which is a different video), and then talking about it. I learned something very important. I can not assume anything as it pertains to my daughter's understanding of the world. Even though we have discussed it, even though they have heard it taught in several different environments, they still did not comprehend just how visual males are, or how that affects them.
Based on this video, as well as the testimony of others, including my husband, I described to them just what a young man (or any man) sees and thinks about when they see a girl dressed immodestly. I explained that when he sees a girl in a short skirt with her legs crossed, or in a low cut or strapless top, his focus is drawn (against his will, even) to her body. They were truly surprised. They really had no idea. In their words, "That's just creepy!" Yes it is.
I have to insert here that my girls are not allowed to wear that type of clothing, nor have they ever expressed such a desire. But, I felt it was important to impress on them the reality of this and to give them even more reason for dressing modestly, beyond it just being Godly and ladylike.
As we ended, I told them, "See, when I tell you that I think you need to change t-shirts because the one you have on is a little too thin, or a little too tight, or that your dress has become too short, it isn't because I don't want you to wear cute clothes. It's because I am protecting you." It was obvious by the look on their faces, by the understanding in their eyes, that they got it.
This was a wonderful experience for me. It was a sweet time with my girls, walking with them through yet another door to maturity. It was affirming for all of us. It wasn't awkward, or forced. They certainly didn't resent it. I say that to encourage other moms to have the same conversations. Don't assume they already know it. Don't think they don't want to talk to you. Don't let anyone else have the privilege. Worse yet, don't let them go through life without knowing truth.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Don't You Know?
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? 1 Corinthians 6:19
I have been struggling with this post for days. There is so much I want to say, and yet I have no idea how to say it all. This is essentially what prompted me to begin blogging again. God has put a burden in my heart like nothing I have felt in a long time. I think about it much of the day. I have prayed, I have talked, I have even shed tears over this thing.
Modesty is not even an accurate word, although that's what it centers around.
My heart is for my daughters' generation, and those to follow. My desire is to encourage other moms, especially younger moms, in the battle. And believe me, it is a battle. It is a battle for the hearts and minds, and yes bodies, of our children. The enemy wants them. The world would happily hand them to him.
Moms (and Dads) HAVE to get in the battle. It seems more and more people have just given up, or been lulled into believing that they can't do anything, or have fallen into the lie themselves. They don't even try anymore. I want to stand up and shout WAKE UP! There are parents out there giving their children up without a fight. There are some who are just giving them away.
Do our girls know what boys see when they look at them? Do they understand that any suggestion of sexuality is more than enough encouragement for a boy? Where are the moms and dads when their daughters leave the house? Why aren't they saying anything? Why aren't they fighting for their daughters? Why aren't they protecting them? Why aren't they protecting the eyes and the minds of the boys who will see them?
No, it is not easy. It isn't convenient. And, as I am learning, it is absolutely not popular. But it is vitally important. Their lives depend on it. Literally. I want my daughters to reach adulthood whole, healthy, safe, and pure. How could I want less? Christian parents, please, please, please...quit sleeping.
I have been struggling with this post for days. There is so much I want to say, and yet I have no idea how to say it all. This is essentially what prompted me to begin blogging again. God has put a burden in my heart like nothing I have felt in a long time. I think about it much of the day. I have prayed, I have talked, I have even shed tears over this thing.
Modesty is not even an accurate word, although that's what it centers around.
My heart is for my daughters' generation, and those to follow. My desire is to encourage other moms, especially younger moms, in the battle. And believe me, it is a battle. It is a battle for the hearts and minds, and yes bodies, of our children. The enemy wants them. The world would happily hand them to him.
Moms (and Dads) HAVE to get in the battle. It seems more and more people have just given up, or been lulled into believing that they can't do anything, or have fallen into the lie themselves. They don't even try anymore. I want to stand up and shout WAKE UP! There are parents out there giving their children up without a fight. There are some who are just giving them away.
Do our girls know what boys see when they look at them? Do they understand that any suggestion of sexuality is more than enough encouragement for a boy? Where are the moms and dads when their daughters leave the house? Why aren't they saying anything? Why aren't they fighting for their daughters? Why aren't they protecting them? Why aren't they protecting the eyes and the minds of the boys who will see them?
No, it is not easy. It isn't convenient. And, as I am learning, it is absolutely not popular. But it is vitally important. Their lives depend on it. Literally. I want my daughters to reach adulthood whole, healthy, safe, and pure. How could I want less? Christian parents, please, please, please...quit sleeping.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Hard Things
"On hearing it, many of his disciples said, 'This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?'
"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him." John 6:60 and 66
These verses represent a crossroads of sorts in Jesus' life and ministry. Up to this point, he had been followed by multitudes hanging on his every word, anxiously awaiting his next miracle, hoping for something for themselves. But now his teaching shifted. These verses follow the "Bread of Life" discourse in which Jesus introduced himself as the Bread of Life, the only way to salvation. He said that eternal life was only by his flesh and his blood; only by his life and death and resurrection. Jesus' teaching began to change. Reading the Gospels, you see that the closer he got to his crucifixion, the more personal his message became, and the smaller his group of followers became. Why? Because his teachings became harder. Following Jesus costs something. Following Jesus costs everything.
Things haven't changed. It is relatively easy to attend church, go to Sunday School (or Life Group, or Small Group...), wear the t-shirt, put the "God Loves You" bumper sticker on the car. Easy, as long as it's not too hard. Or too inconvenient.
Parenting is the same way. In fact, as I think about it, the two are pretty closely tied together. It's easy to do the obvious things. The things that "look" right. But the enthusiasm wanes when it gets too hard; or too inconvenient. Just like following Jesus costs something, being a Godly parent costs something...costs everything. Just like I lost my right to myself when I chose to follow Jesus, I lost my right to myself when I became a mother. Not a very popular thought in our "take care of yourself" culture.
Often saying no is hard. Saying yes is just easier. Yes you can go, yes you can have it, yes you can quit, yes you can... I don't like to see disappointment in my children's faces. I don't like for them to be sad. I don't like for them to be angry. Sometimes I just don't feel like fighting the battle. But, just as God is more interested in my character than my happiness, I am more concerned with their character than their happiness. So, sometimes I say no. Wow...I have learned a lot about God in this process. And about myself. And about how he loves me.
So I will keep doing the hard things...as a Jesus follower, and as a parent.
"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him." John 6:60 and 66
These verses represent a crossroads of sorts in Jesus' life and ministry. Up to this point, he had been followed by multitudes hanging on his every word, anxiously awaiting his next miracle, hoping for something for themselves. But now his teaching shifted. These verses follow the "Bread of Life" discourse in which Jesus introduced himself as the Bread of Life, the only way to salvation. He said that eternal life was only by his flesh and his blood; only by his life and death and resurrection. Jesus' teaching began to change. Reading the Gospels, you see that the closer he got to his crucifixion, the more personal his message became, and the smaller his group of followers became. Why? Because his teachings became harder. Following Jesus costs something. Following Jesus costs everything.
Things haven't changed. It is relatively easy to attend church, go to Sunday School (or Life Group, or Small Group...), wear the t-shirt, put the "God Loves You" bumper sticker on the car. Easy, as long as it's not too hard. Or too inconvenient.
Parenting is the same way. In fact, as I think about it, the two are pretty closely tied together. It's easy to do the obvious things. The things that "look" right. But the enthusiasm wanes when it gets too hard; or too inconvenient. Just like following Jesus costs something, being a Godly parent costs something...costs everything. Just like I lost my right to myself when I chose to follow Jesus, I lost my right to myself when I became a mother. Not a very popular thought in our "take care of yourself" culture.
Often saying no is hard. Saying yes is just easier. Yes you can go, yes you can have it, yes you can quit, yes you can... I don't like to see disappointment in my children's faces. I don't like for them to be sad. I don't like for them to be angry. Sometimes I just don't feel like fighting the battle. But, just as God is more interested in my character than my happiness, I am more concerned with their character than their happiness. So, sometimes I say no. Wow...I have learned a lot about God in this process. And about myself. And about how he loves me.
So I will keep doing the hard things...as a Jesus follower, and as a parent.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Unequally Yoked-More On the Temple
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
I just can't get away from this passage.
For years, I understood this verse to be a reference to marriage. Believers shouldn't marry unbelievers. And I still think that is true. But over the years, I have come to understand that it means so much more. Obviously, dating would be the next application. As the parents of two teen daughters, this has been a point of discussion in our home. (I won't elaborate more because I am sure the issue of dating will garner its own post, or series of posts.)
More recently, however, the concept of being "unequally yoked" has taken on even more facets for me. Friendships, for instance, come to mind. Tweenagers and teenagers are relational creatures. And those relationships are most often with their peers. They are influenced tremendously by their friends. Therefore, it is vitally important to consider who is influencing them. The counter to this idea is that our children, as Christians, should be "salt and light". True. They should be. But we need to teach them, train them, to differentiate between "close friends" and acquaintances". They need to be "equally yoked" in their friendships. They need to be sure (we, as parents, need to be sure) that the friends who are influencing them, in whom they are investing emotionally, are friends who share their values, beliefs, and faith.
There is another area this "unequally yoked" idea can be applied. This one has come to me in the last couple of years, and is the one I have been thinking about recently. It may be a stretch, but I think it is valid. I believe that we can be unequally yoked in the activities we, or our children, invest in. "Invest" is the key word. Obviously, there are many activities that are not expressly Christian. We do live IN the world. How do you determine, then, if they are unequally yoked in a particular activity? Obviously, there is not always a clear cut answer. But there are some questions we can ask:
-Can my child do this activity "to the glory of God"?
-How emotionally invested is he/she in this activity?
-How much time/money/energy is invested in this activity?
-Is this activity influencing my child's worldview? and Does this activity conflict with our family's worldview? *This question is vital. I think any activity that is in contrast to a Christian worldview is putting a child on dangerous ground.
-Can my child maintain his/her witness while being affiliated with this activity?
There are other questions to consider. I don't pretend to think this is an easy thing to do. Our family has had to deal with these questions and make hard choices. But we are always looking at the long term goal. And the older my children become, the more aware I am that the long term goal is more than worth the hard work. Because, again, this is the Temple we are talking about.
I just can't get away from this passage.
For years, I understood this verse to be a reference to marriage. Believers shouldn't marry unbelievers. And I still think that is true. But over the years, I have come to understand that it means so much more. Obviously, dating would be the next application. As the parents of two teen daughters, this has been a point of discussion in our home. (I won't elaborate more because I am sure the issue of dating will garner its own post, or series of posts.)
More recently, however, the concept of being "unequally yoked" has taken on even more facets for me. Friendships, for instance, come to mind. Tweenagers and teenagers are relational creatures. And those relationships are most often with their peers. They are influenced tremendously by their friends. Therefore, it is vitally important to consider who is influencing them. The counter to this idea is that our children, as Christians, should be "salt and light". True. They should be. But we need to teach them, train them, to differentiate between "close friends" and acquaintances". They need to be "equally yoked" in their friendships. They need to be sure (we, as parents, need to be sure) that the friends who are influencing them, in whom they are investing emotionally, are friends who share their values, beliefs, and faith.
There is another area this "unequally yoked" idea can be applied. This one has come to me in the last couple of years, and is the one I have been thinking about recently. It may be a stretch, but I think it is valid. I believe that we can be unequally yoked in the activities we, or our children, invest in. "Invest" is the key word. Obviously, there are many activities that are not expressly Christian. We do live IN the world. How do you determine, then, if they are unequally yoked in a particular activity? Obviously, there is not always a clear cut answer. But there are some questions we can ask:
-Can my child do this activity "to the glory of God"?
-How emotionally invested is he/she in this activity?
-How much time/money/energy is invested in this activity?
-Is this activity influencing my child's worldview? and Does this activity conflict with our family's worldview? *This question is vital. I think any activity that is in contrast to a Christian worldview is putting a child on dangerous ground.
-Can my child maintain his/her witness while being affiliated with this activity?
There are other questions to consider. I don't pretend to think this is an easy thing to do. Our family has had to deal with these questions and make hard choices. But we are always looking at the long term goal. And the older my children become, the more aware I am that the long term goal is more than worth the hard work. Because, again, this is the Temple we are talking about.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
The Temple-Part Two
This post has been edited for typos. I should learn to proof before I post
I am still thinking about the idea of the temple, and how we are to honor it. And I am still, of course, referring to the Christian as the temple of God.
"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple." 1 Cor. 3:16-17
"For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said, 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' 'Therefore come out from them and be separate.' " 2 Cor. 6:16-17a
God is serious about this, and we should be as well. Even more, this is another one of those things we are to "impress on our children". How do we treat ourselves as God's temple? The issue of self esteem comes to mind. Self esteem is another one of those issues that our culture has taken and twisted, turning it into yet another way to put man above God.
Entire curricula have been written around this theme. Lessons on self esteem have taken their place alongside reading, spelling and history. There are shelves and shelves of books about self esteem in libraries and bookstores. If we were to believe these things, we would believe that we are the most important person in the world. Our children would believe that they are most important, and that their ideas, wants and dreams are of greatest importance? Aren't they?
I say no.
Yes, that is what I say. Do I want my children to think they aren't the most important person in the world? Do I want them to think that being the best at whatever they do is not the top priority? If I am seeking to disciple them in a Christlike life, then the answer to those question is yes.
"And he said, 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.' " Matt. 18:3-4
So, am I saying we should beat them down and tell them they are worthless? Of course not. It has already been established we (as believers) are the temple of the living God. We are created in the likeness of Him. He knew us before we took form in our mother's womb. He knit us together. He knit our children together. They are precious to him.
I believe the secret is teaching them to value themselves in relation to Him. It is all about perspective. Once we (and they) understand who He is, and who we are in relationship to Him, then we can appreciate our place, and our children can as well. They can begin to understand that they are His workmanship "created in Christ Jesus to do good works." ( Eph. 2:10). They can begin to strive to do their best, be their best, not for their own glory, but for His. "Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus..." (Col. 3:17).
The idea, then, is for them to learn to honor themselves as God's temple. To be a temple worthy of the Lord.
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