Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? 1 Corinthians 6:19
I have been struggling with this post for days. There is so much I want to say, and yet I have no idea how to say it all. This is essentially what prompted me to begin blogging again. God has put a burden in my heart like nothing I have felt in a long time. I think about it much of the day. I have prayed, I have talked, I have even shed tears over this thing.
Modesty is not even an accurate word, although that's what it centers around.
My heart is for my daughters' generation, and those to follow. My desire is to encourage other moms, especially younger moms, in the battle. And believe me, it is a battle. It is a battle for the hearts and minds, and yes bodies, of our children. The enemy wants them. The world would happily hand them to him.
Moms (and Dads) HAVE to get in the battle. It seems more and more people have just given up, or been lulled into believing that they can't do anything, or have fallen into the lie themselves. They don't even try anymore. I want to stand up and shout WAKE UP! There are parents out there giving their children up without a fight. There are some who are just giving them away.
Do our girls know what boys see when they look at them? Do they understand that any suggestion of sexuality is more than enough encouragement for a boy? Where are the moms and dads when their daughters leave the house? Why aren't they saying anything? Why aren't they fighting for their daughters? Why aren't they protecting them? Why aren't they protecting the eyes and the minds of the boys who will see them?
No, it is not easy. It isn't convenient. And, as I am learning, it is absolutely not popular. But it is vitally important. Their lives depend on it. Literally. I want my daughters to reach adulthood whole, healthy, safe, and pure. How could I want less? Christian parents, please, please, please...quit sleeping.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Hard Things
"On hearing it, many of his disciples said, 'This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?'
"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him." John 6:60 and 66
These verses represent a crossroads of sorts in Jesus' life and ministry. Up to this point, he had been followed by multitudes hanging on his every word, anxiously awaiting his next miracle, hoping for something for themselves. But now his teaching shifted. These verses follow the "Bread of Life" discourse in which Jesus introduced himself as the Bread of Life, the only way to salvation. He said that eternal life was only by his flesh and his blood; only by his life and death and resurrection. Jesus' teaching began to change. Reading the Gospels, you see that the closer he got to his crucifixion, the more personal his message became, and the smaller his group of followers became. Why? Because his teachings became harder. Following Jesus costs something. Following Jesus costs everything.
Things haven't changed. It is relatively easy to attend church, go to Sunday School (or Life Group, or Small Group...), wear the t-shirt, put the "God Loves You" bumper sticker on the car. Easy, as long as it's not too hard. Or too inconvenient.
Parenting is the same way. In fact, as I think about it, the two are pretty closely tied together. It's easy to do the obvious things. The things that "look" right. But the enthusiasm wanes when it gets too hard; or too inconvenient. Just like following Jesus costs something, being a Godly parent costs something...costs everything. Just like I lost my right to myself when I chose to follow Jesus, I lost my right to myself when I became a mother. Not a very popular thought in our "take care of yourself" culture.
Often saying no is hard. Saying yes is just easier. Yes you can go, yes you can have it, yes you can quit, yes you can... I don't like to see disappointment in my children's faces. I don't like for them to be sad. I don't like for them to be angry. Sometimes I just don't feel like fighting the battle. But, just as God is more interested in my character than my happiness, I am more concerned with their character than their happiness. So, sometimes I say no. Wow...I have learned a lot about God in this process. And about myself. And about how he loves me.
So I will keep doing the hard things...as a Jesus follower, and as a parent.
"From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him." John 6:60 and 66
These verses represent a crossroads of sorts in Jesus' life and ministry. Up to this point, he had been followed by multitudes hanging on his every word, anxiously awaiting his next miracle, hoping for something for themselves. But now his teaching shifted. These verses follow the "Bread of Life" discourse in which Jesus introduced himself as the Bread of Life, the only way to salvation. He said that eternal life was only by his flesh and his blood; only by his life and death and resurrection. Jesus' teaching began to change. Reading the Gospels, you see that the closer he got to his crucifixion, the more personal his message became, and the smaller his group of followers became. Why? Because his teachings became harder. Following Jesus costs something. Following Jesus costs everything.
Things haven't changed. It is relatively easy to attend church, go to Sunday School (or Life Group, or Small Group...), wear the t-shirt, put the "God Loves You" bumper sticker on the car. Easy, as long as it's not too hard. Or too inconvenient.
Parenting is the same way. In fact, as I think about it, the two are pretty closely tied together. It's easy to do the obvious things. The things that "look" right. But the enthusiasm wanes when it gets too hard; or too inconvenient. Just like following Jesus costs something, being a Godly parent costs something...costs everything. Just like I lost my right to myself when I chose to follow Jesus, I lost my right to myself when I became a mother. Not a very popular thought in our "take care of yourself" culture.
Often saying no is hard. Saying yes is just easier. Yes you can go, yes you can have it, yes you can quit, yes you can... I don't like to see disappointment in my children's faces. I don't like for them to be sad. I don't like for them to be angry. Sometimes I just don't feel like fighting the battle. But, just as God is more interested in my character than my happiness, I am more concerned with their character than their happiness. So, sometimes I say no. Wow...I have learned a lot about God in this process. And about myself. And about how he loves me.
So I will keep doing the hard things...as a Jesus follower, and as a parent.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Unequally Yoked-More On the Temple
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14
I just can't get away from this passage.
For years, I understood this verse to be a reference to marriage. Believers shouldn't marry unbelievers. And I still think that is true. But over the years, I have come to understand that it means so much more. Obviously, dating would be the next application. As the parents of two teen daughters, this has been a point of discussion in our home. (I won't elaborate more because I am sure the issue of dating will garner its own post, or series of posts.)
More recently, however, the concept of being "unequally yoked" has taken on even more facets for me. Friendships, for instance, come to mind. Tweenagers and teenagers are relational creatures. And those relationships are most often with their peers. They are influenced tremendously by their friends. Therefore, it is vitally important to consider who is influencing them. The counter to this idea is that our children, as Christians, should be "salt and light". True. They should be. But we need to teach them, train them, to differentiate between "close friends" and acquaintances". They need to be "equally yoked" in their friendships. They need to be sure (we, as parents, need to be sure) that the friends who are influencing them, in whom they are investing emotionally, are friends who share their values, beliefs, and faith.
There is another area this "unequally yoked" idea can be applied. This one has come to me in the last couple of years, and is the one I have been thinking about recently. It may be a stretch, but I think it is valid. I believe that we can be unequally yoked in the activities we, or our children, invest in. "Invest" is the key word. Obviously, there are many activities that are not expressly Christian. We do live IN the world. How do you determine, then, if they are unequally yoked in a particular activity? Obviously, there is not always a clear cut answer. But there are some questions we can ask:
-Can my child do this activity "to the glory of God"?
-How emotionally invested is he/she in this activity?
-How much time/money/energy is invested in this activity?
-Is this activity influencing my child's worldview? and Does this activity conflict with our family's worldview? *This question is vital. I think any activity that is in contrast to a Christian worldview is putting a child on dangerous ground.
-Can my child maintain his/her witness while being affiliated with this activity?
There are other questions to consider. I don't pretend to think this is an easy thing to do. Our family has had to deal with these questions and make hard choices. But we are always looking at the long term goal. And the older my children become, the more aware I am that the long term goal is more than worth the hard work. Because, again, this is the Temple we are talking about.
I just can't get away from this passage.
For years, I understood this verse to be a reference to marriage. Believers shouldn't marry unbelievers. And I still think that is true. But over the years, I have come to understand that it means so much more. Obviously, dating would be the next application. As the parents of two teen daughters, this has been a point of discussion in our home. (I won't elaborate more because I am sure the issue of dating will garner its own post, or series of posts.)
More recently, however, the concept of being "unequally yoked" has taken on even more facets for me. Friendships, for instance, come to mind. Tweenagers and teenagers are relational creatures. And those relationships are most often with their peers. They are influenced tremendously by their friends. Therefore, it is vitally important to consider who is influencing them. The counter to this idea is that our children, as Christians, should be "salt and light". True. They should be. But we need to teach them, train them, to differentiate between "close friends" and acquaintances". They need to be "equally yoked" in their friendships. They need to be sure (we, as parents, need to be sure) that the friends who are influencing them, in whom they are investing emotionally, are friends who share their values, beliefs, and faith.
There is another area this "unequally yoked" idea can be applied. This one has come to me in the last couple of years, and is the one I have been thinking about recently. It may be a stretch, but I think it is valid. I believe that we can be unequally yoked in the activities we, or our children, invest in. "Invest" is the key word. Obviously, there are many activities that are not expressly Christian. We do live IN the world. How do you determine, then, if they are unequally yoked in a particular activity? Obviously, there is not always a clear cut answer. But there are some questions we can ask:
-Can my child do this activity "to the glory of God"?
-How emotionally invested is he/she in this activity?
-How much time/money/energy is invested in this activity?
-Is this activity influencing my child's worldview? and Does this activity conflict with our family's worldview? *This question is vital. I think any activity that is in contrast to a Christian worldview is putting a child on dangerous ground.
-Can my child maintain his/her witness while being affiliated with this activity?
There are other questions to consider. I don't pretend to think this is an easy thing to do. Our family has had to deal with these questions and make hard choices. But we are always looking at the long term goal. And the older my children become, the more aware I am that the long term goal is more than worth the hard work. Because, again, this is the Temple we are talking about.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
The Temple-Part Two
This post has been edited for typos. I should learn to proof before I post
I am still thinking about the idea of the temple, and how we are to honor it. And I am still, of course, referring to the Christian as the temple of God.
"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple." 1 Cor. 3:16-17
"For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said, 'I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.' 'Therefore come out from them and be separate.' " 2 Cor. 6:16-17a
God is serious about this, and we should be as well. Even more, this is another one of those things we are to "impress on our children". How do we treat ourselves as God's temple? The issue of self esteem comes to mind. Self esteem is another one of those issues that our culture has taken and twisted, turning it into yet another way to put man above God.
Entire curricula have been written around this theme. Lessons on self esteem have taken their place alongside reading, spelling and history. There are shelves and shelves of books about self esteem in libraries and bookstores. If we were to believe these things, we would believe that we are the most important person in the world. Our children would believe that they are most important, and that their ideas, wants and dreams are of greatest importance? Aren't they?
I say no.
Yes, that is what I say. Do I want my children to think they aren't the most important person in the world? Do I want them to think that being the best at whatever they do is not the top priority? If I am seeking to disciple them in a Christlike life, then the answer to those question is yes.
"And he said, 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.' " Matt. 18:3-4
So, am I saying we should beat them down and tell them they are worthless? Of course not. It has already been established we (as believers) are the temple of the living God. We are created in the likeness of Him. He knew us before we took form in our mother's womb. He knit us together. He knit our children together. They are precious to him.
I believe the secret is teaching them to value themselves in relation to Him. It is all about perspective. Once we (and they) understand who He is, and who we are in relationship to Him, then we can appreciate our place, and our children can as well. They can begin to understand that they are His workmanship "created in Christ Jesus to do good works." ( Eph. 2:10). They can begin to strive to do their best, be their best, not for their own glory, but for His. "Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus..." (Col. 3:17).
The idea, then, is for them to learn to honor themselves as God's temple. To be a temple worthy of the Lord.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Temple
2 Corinthians 6
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will live with them
and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they will be my people.”
17 Therefore,
“Come out from them
and be separate,
says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you.”
18 And,
“I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters,
says the Lord Almighty.”[d]
2 Corinthians 7
1 Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
Our pastor preached on this passage a year or so ago. I promptly went home and told my girls that we would be memorizing these verses. I was so struck by the import of these words. "For we are the temple of the living God." Wow! My heart was full for my girls to understand that thought.
The world is out to convince them otherwise. "Your body is your own." "You are supposed to look, act, be a certain way." "You aren't good enough.". The media, their friends, all the world screams at them. But God has declared, in a quiet voice, yet in a loud roar, "You are mine! You are my dwelling place!" Oh for them to hear that, and to know it with a knowing that is deeper than any hurt or fear or question. The Word of God is, indeed, living and active, it never returns void. So, rather than try to convince them myself, I determined to let Him plant it firmly in their hearts.
That doesn't let me off the hook, though. I still have an obligation. It's that Deuteronomy thing again. Teach them as you sit at home, as you walk along the way, when you get up and when you lie down. So, how do I teach them to honor the Lord's temple? How do I protect them from all the world throws at them? How, as they are becoming young women, do I teach them to protect themselves? It is a battle I face daily, one they face daily, and will all their lives.
Outward beauty is a huge deal for girls. And it is a fragile thing, a tightrope of too much, too little. To dwell on it too much breeds discontent and vanity. But isn't it ok to encourage a girl to look her best? To revel in being a girl? I say yes. Back to the temple...God had specific instructions regarding the appearance of the temple and its care. He was not pleased when it was not treated properly. I believe he wants us to look our best. But we are not to worship the temple.
There is a clothing line I have recently discovered called Nation's Outfitters. They are a Christian company, and I love their motto: "It's what you do in your clothes that makes you beautiful." What a great thought! You can dress up all you want, but if the girl inside doesn't reflect the beauty of the Lord, it's all emptiness. Sometimes they are "beautiful" in old jeans and a sweatshirt. Sometimes they are beautiful in a dress and heels and earrings.
The hardest part, for me, of navigating this whole issue, is helping them find modest, yet pretty, clothes. Have you been in the mall lately? We have some pretty strict rules around here. Stricter than most. They aren't just dressing themselves, they are adorning the temple. I have felt blessed, though, to have never faced an argument with either girl about our rules. Maybe an "Are you sure?" a few times, but nothing more. I hope that is because our "rules" are not just rules for them, but their own convictions. That is the goal, for them to take ownership of their own temple.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Deuteronomy 6
"These commands that I give you today are to be on your heart. Impress them on your children."
This verse has been the guiding principle of my life as a mother since before my girls were born. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. What I have discovered, along the way, is that "impressing" on my children has little to do with what I say. It has everything to do with what I do. And so, in order to impress God's Word on my children's lives, I have had to allow God to impress his Word on my life. Ouch. It has been, and still is, an ongoing process.
The "do as I say, not as I do" mentality has led to the culture we now live in. Children don't buy that. Just look at the thousands of adults who grew up in church, only to leave it the minute they were out from under their parents' authority. Why? Because mom and dad's behavior-what they did-never matched up to what they said they believed.
It is easy to say "be kind to others". It's not so easy to be polite to the girl at the checkout counter who messes up my order three times on a day I am in a hurry. It is easy to say "don't talk about your friends", but it's not so easy to hold my tongue when I don't agree with how someone else does something. It is easy to make a rule, choose a standard, draw a line. It is hard to keep that rule in place, remain true to the standard, stay on the right side of the line. I don't mean that I can never change my mind. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes circumstances change. Sometimes they outgrow my rules. There are, however, rules and standards that don't change, shouldn't change. If my rules and standards become situational, they become void. They mean nothing.
And so, I have come to realize that parenting according to Godly standards means living according to Godly standards. There is no room for compromise. There are no days off. On October 18, 1995 I became a mother. I will be a mother every day for the rest of my life. I will be "on duty" full time every day until Banana leaves home to start her own home. This is hard stuff.
This verse has been the guiding principle of my life as a mother since before my girls were born. It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. What I have discovered, along the way, is that "impressing" on my children has little to do with what I say. It has everything to do with what I do. And so, in order to impress God's Word on my children's lives, I have had to allow God to impress his Word on my life. Ouch. It has been, and still is, an ongoing process.
The "do as I say, not as I do" mentality has led to the culture we now live in. Children don't buy that. Just look at the thousands of adults who grew up in church, only to leave it the minute they were out from under their parents' authority. Why? Because mom and dad's behavior-what they did-never matched up to what they said they believed.
It is easy to say "be kind to others". It's not so easy to be polite to the girl at the checkout counter who messes up my order three times on a day I am in a hurry. It is easy to say "don't talk about your friends", but it's not so easy to hold my tongue when I don't agree with how someone else does something. It is easy to make a rule, choose a standard, draw a line. It is hard to keep that rule in place, remain true to the standard, stay on the right side of the line. I don't mean that I can never change my mind. Sometimes I am wrong. Sometimes circumstances change. Sometimes they outgrow my rules. There are, however, rules and standards that don't change, shouldn't change. If my rules and standards become situational, they become void. They mean nothing.
And so, I have come to realize that parenting according to Godly standards means living according to Godly standards. There is no room for compromise. There are no days off. On October 18, 1995 I became a mother. I will be a mother every day for the rest of my life. I will be "on duty" full time every day until Banana leaves home to start her own home. This is hard stuff.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Hello Again
I have not blogged in one year. I have thought about it, I just haven't done anything about it. I have felt guilty about leaving my little blog alone and forgotten. But I have just been lazy. Couldn't think of anything worth saying, or didn't want to put forth the effort to say it. And, I confess, I have let Facebook suck up too much of my time.
But I think I might return to the blogging world. There are a lot of things floating around in my head that I might need to say. I will let you know...those of you who are interested. If nothing else, I might do it for myself.
But I think I might return to the blogging world. There are a lot of things floating around in my head that I might need to say. I will let you know...those of you who are interested. If nothing else, I might do it for myself.
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