Well, I am putting myself out there. I may live to regret this. I may find out no one actually reads anything I write. But here goes anyway...
This is going to be an interactive blog post. The meat of it will come from anyone who chooses to respond. I will post my own response later, but I want the responses to come from your experiences, not your reaction to my experience.
What I want to know is this: As a parent, what has surprised you most at this stage in your children's lives? What did you not expect/plan for/anticipate? Feel free to share how you have responded to the surprise as well.
Now...GO!
Yes, that's it. Nothing more from me right now. The success or failure of this experiment depends on you. Keep in mind that any comments must be approved by me before they will appear. That's just the way I set up my blog.
Now...really...GO!
6 comments:
not a parent. But I do read your blog! :)
I think what is most surprising to me right now is my own helplessness to ensure the salvation of my children. My oldest is 6 now and has a good intellectual understanding of the gospel. He knows why Jesus died, he knows people need forgiveness, he knows God offers forgiveness when we ask. He knows Heaven is for those who believe in Jesus and he knows he must make a decision when he is ready. But he doesn't yet know conviction, and I can't spark that. That's the work of the Holy Spirit alone. I am also finding it surprising, as I try to teach him more about his own personal need for a new heart/nature that telling him the truth about his own sinful nature almost feels like backpedaling. We have spent 5 years showing him he is the apple of our eye and that he is loved by God and by us because God made him and gave him to us. We try to discipline by always pointing to the gospel, explaining God's expectations for us from the Word and that the power to meet them comes only from Jesus, but if we are not careful, we could "love" him straight into hell if that's all we ever tell him. So the transition we are in, now that it is developmentally appropriate (based on his own questions/conversation) and loving for us to tell other, harder truths besides "you are loved" and "ask Jesus to help you" is surprising to me. We are aiming for the realization of "poor in spirit" without breaking his spirit, and it seems to require more wisdom than I've got some days. God is faithful and He is working, sometimes in spite of me, I feel, but this is definitely new ground.
I'm not a parent either but I read your blog! :) Love to see other godly parents who are training their kids to follow God by setting an example and teaching His word!
Well, I am not so sure how well this experiment worked. I was hoping for more input...but I appreciate those who responded. Yvette, I remember having those same feelings. All I can say is that God is faithful, and our children's salvation is one of those things that demonstrate His faithfulness to us. Your prayers will not go unheard!
So here is the thing that has surprised me the most in recent years: the extent to which we have to go to protect our daughters' purity. I shouldn't be so surprised, right? Here's the thing (to quote Adrian Monk)...we have done all the "right" things. We have had the conversations, prayed the prayers, put the safeguards in place, and we have been successful in the eyes of many. Our girls have given us every reason to trust them, and no reasons not to trust them. They exhibit pure hearts. But what has surprised me has been the fact that we have to advocate for them, even with people (other adults) whom we consider to be like-minded in other areas.
Suddenly, we have had to rethink all kinds of activities. Sleepovers, for example, posed a new problem once they became teenagers. It seems some of their teenaged girlfriends have teenaged brothers. That was a problem for us, and a surprise that it wasn't a problem for the parents of their friends. We have had to begin asking more questions. Recently we had to decline a babysitting opportunity (read "money making opportunity) because the child to be watched has an older brother who may or may not have been in and out of the house at the time.
We don't, in any way, judge others for the standards and boundaries they set, but we have to be faithful to the convictions God has given us. It has proven to be harder than I thought it would be, and I have learned that I have to think proactively in every situation. We have to ask questions, and be willing to follow through, even when we know others are going to think we are radical nuts.
Interesting. I can look forward and see us making many of these same decisions. I wouldn't even let Brian take me on a dinner date until we'd spent a little time together in other contexts b/c to me, eating with someone is a fairly intimate activity even in a public place. Seeing a fellow teenager who is not your family first thing in the morning or in their pajamas or after a shower is oddly intimate as well. It's not so much about will they behave or not behave, it's about protecting them from struggling with temptation or (maybe more so for girls) being a temptation and therefore being at risk. Purity is not just a physical state, it is first and foremost a spiritual, heart/mind state. It's wise to protect our children's minds by guarding against situations where their minds could be vulnerable. By being an "overprotective" parent, you are freeing your girls from the burden of navigating these situations and having to struggle to make good decisions before they're ready. I'm sure they would make good decisions anyway (and you're sure, too), but why put that stress and burden on them at such a young age? My parents gave me that covering, too, until I went to college and was on my own to continue guarding my heart, and I appreciate it to this day!
I just nominated you for the Sunshine Award! :)
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