Many years ago I had a conversation that I have never forgotten. It impacted my life more than the other person probably ever dreamed it would. It was a quick conversation, almost held in passing. But it changed the way I have viewed my role as a mother, and this week I have fully experienced the implications of that conversation.
Many years ago, a sweet friend was serving as a journeyman missionary in Tanzania, Africa. Her mom (also a dear friend) had recently been for a visit. On the Sunday after her mom returned home from the visit, I saw her at church. I asked her about the visit and about the well-being of her daughter. Then I said, "Wasn't it hard to leave her? Didn't you want to pack her up and bring her back with you?" Her answer stunned me, and it opened my eyes in a huge way. She answered something like this: "No. She is exactly where the Lord wants her to be, doing exactly what He wants her to do. She is right in the middle of His will. How could I want anything less?"
In that moment, my understanding of my responsibility as a mother changed. Suddenly, I understood that my job is to prepare my daughters to be who Christ has called them to be, to do what Christ is calling them to do. I love my daughters with all my heart, fiercely. I love nothing more than being with them. For years, when they would go away to children's camp for 5 days with our church, I would cry almost daily. I would hate every day that they were gone. But that was the day I started learning to let go. It suddenly dawned on me in a real way that they aren't mine anyway. They are His.
Then, a couple of years ago, I started having moments of panic when I would realize that they were getting closer and closer to being "grown". I would wake up at night and be unable to go back to sleep because all I could think of was how many years I had left with them at home. I would count how many more "first days of school" we had left. That was not who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be that mother who spent my children's high school years crying over every "last" thing. I didn't want to be the mother who mourned the past. I wanted to cherish every moment and look forward to the future with excitement. So I began to pray and ask God to give me joy in the expectation. As always, He is faithful.
This week, my oldest has been on the other side of the world, in a time zone almost opposite of ours, doing things I can only imagine. As the time approached for her to leave, I was filled with excitement about what she was about to experience. But I wondered what would happen once we got to the airport. Would I crumble? Would I cry when we drove away? Would I lay awake that night, worrying while her plane was crossing the Atlantic?
I am here to tell you I did none of those things! We spent our time at the airport joyfully anticipating her week. We drove away and I smiled at the excitement she and her team members had exhibited. That night, and every night since, I slept soundly (unusual in itself for me, since I regularly experience insomnia). My prayers were fruitful. The lesson learned so many years ago had taken root. My girl was doing what she was born to do. She was where God had placed her, doing the things He has created her to do. She was right in the middle of His will. How in the world could I want anything else for her?
She will be home in a little more than 48 hours. I have to say I can't wait to see her. I can't wait to hear about everything she did and everything she experienced. I can't wait to hear about everything God taught her. The girl I put on that plane won't be the girl who comes back. She will have grown and changed. I can't wait to see what God has done!
I am forever grateful for that conversation all those years ago. This is my thank you to my teacher. She knows who she is.
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