Basic Training

In the past year, I have had two friends send their sons off to basic training in a branch of the US Military. During those weeks, communication between those in training and their loved ones was minimal at best. Those young men and women in training were kept in "isolation" from the rest of the world, with only one focus: to train to be the best at their job. In the end, they were supposed to come out of training looking like a soldier or an airman. If they came out looking like anything else, it would have been considered a failure.

Why were they isolated? They were isolated so that they would not be distracted from the goal. Their complete attention and focus was demanded. Anything less would leave them looking like less than what they trained to become. They were surrounded by others with the same focus and the same goal. They were taught by those who had already been through the same training.

I can't help but make the connection here to discipleship and our children. No, I am not suggesting that we "isolate" our children by locking them up in the house and not letting them out until they are 21. But I am suggesting that there is something to be learned here.

Over and over in the last several months, I have been taken back to the concept of "separateness" in the Word of God; by my pastors, by my own study, by blogs and articles and books. I am pretty sure God has been trying to teach me something, or at least reinforce something he has already taught me. Consider the following verses:

"But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness." (Ephesians 4:20-24 ESV).

We have been taught differently. As Christians we ARE different. We are renewed and made over to look like Him.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:1-2 ESV)

As disciples we are to imitate Him. To imitate him we have to know him intimately (Philippians 3:10), follow him (John 8:12) and listen to him (John 10:27).

Paul goes on in Ephesians to tell us more about how we are to become imitators of God.

"Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them." (Ephesians 5:11 ESV).

The NIV says "Have nothing to do..." We are to have NO part in darkness. No association with it at all. Our life, lived in imitation of God's sacrificial love, is to be marked by purity and holiness. God's directive regarding impurity, immorality, and greed is simple-do not be partners with them. (Ephesians 5:7)

What does that look like at home? How do we train our children to imitate Christ? I think it is obvious from these verses that we start by helping them understand that they are to look different. No, I don't mean they dress weird, or that girls don't wear make-up, or that boys wear long sleeved white shirts. I mean that they live differently, they talk differently, they act differently. I mean that they don't go to the same places, watch the same movies, listen to the same music. They don't "look" like the world. They "look" like Christ.

Parents, don't let them believe that they can do the things their "friends" do and still look different, still be separate. It is not possible. No one at that party is thinking about the fact that your child isn't drinking. They aren't thinking about the fact that he isn't cursing. They are only recognizing that he (or she!) is there, with them. Therefore, in their minds, your child is like them. Furthermore, while no one at that party is thinking about your child not drinking or cursing (or whatever), I can guarantee that your child IS thinking about those things. And he or she is feeling different, and is likely to be tempted to be like everyone else.

This is hard stuff. These are hard times. These days call for hard parenting. The rules have changed in the last 20 years. Things that were "darkness" were done in darkness 20 years ago. Those things are done in the light of day today. Are you going to be a popular parent? Will your kids be thrilled with your standards? Maybe not. But we do not answer to other parents and we do not answer to our children. We answer to God. We have been charged with the ultimate discipleship task. At the end of the day, we are responsible to God for our child. We have so short a time..."make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil." (Ephesians 5:16)